Have you ever found yourself listening to someone share their story, yet only grasping the surface of what they're saying? The words may fill the air, but the true essence, the emotions, values, and vulnerabilities beneath, can often go unnoticed. You might hear about their relationship, their recent happenings at work, their latest adventure, and maybe even some juicy gossip about someone. Yet, while you’re nodding along, the deeper connection, the one that reveals who they truly are, can slip right by us.
I happen to be a storyteller myself. If I'm going to tell you a story, even if it’s about my trip to the grocery store, it’s probably going to be longer than it should be and packed with detail. And if it’s more in-depth, you can bet it will include every little thing! That’s just how I am. When I tell stories, I want my listeners to know me through the things I share. And vice versa, if I’m listening to someone’s story, I want depth; I want to go beyond the surface of what you’re saying.
I started to get super curious about storytelling as I became more comfortable connecting with people around me, even strangers. The more I connected with someone, the more I wanted to uncover the meaning behind their words, especially during story time. This curiosity has led me to a level of intimacy in conversations where I can’t wait to learn more about the person before me, whether I’ve known them for years or just five minutes. What are you really telling me? What’s behind those words? What does your story about your week at work reveal about you?
In a world filled with chatter and distractions, it’s easy to overlook the significance of the stories we tell. They’re not just random words; they reflect who we are at our core—our values, passions, struggles, beliefs, and even our motivations. Each story is an invitation to really connect with someone and get to know the person behind the words. And each listener gets an opportunity to engage differently.
Here’s a little story. When I’m not creating and hosting retreats, I work part-time as a Personal Care Attendant for senior citizens. Beyond the hands-on care aspect, a key part of my job is providing companionship. If there’s any generation of storytellers, it’s definitely the seniors!
Just the other day, I had a conversation with one of my clients about our first cars. As she described how she got her first car, what drew her to it, what she liked about it, how she maintained it, and how others reacted to it, I realized I was pulling out not just her narrative—but the essence of who she was and who she still is today.
We also often talk about her previous home in Alabama, which she designed and built all by herself, right down to the horse barn. I mean, this lady could be an architect! She knows dimensions of all kinds, ceiling heights, flooring specifics—the list goes on. She’s handicapped, having only one leg, yet she managed to create the life she wanted, surrounding herself with everything she was passionate about. I deeply recognize her determination, creativity, and resourcefulness.
During one of our conversations following her health setbacks, I noticed that she wasn't quite herself. Feeling down and defeated, she said, 'You must think I’m so stupid.' In that moment, I wanted to remind her of the incredible person I knew. I replied, 'I actually think you are very smart, very determined, independent, and know exactly what you want.' Her face lit up, and she asked in surprise, 'Really?' I explained that I know this not just from what she says, but from the collection of stories she shares with me.
In that moment, I realized just how powerful these conversations can be. They tap into the depth of our life experiences, reminding us that each story big or small, past or present is a key part of who we are. When we really listen and engage with these narratives, we gain valuable insights into other people's values and passions while also deepening our connection with them. It makes the whole storytelling and listening experience richer, helping us understand the human experience in a more meaningful way and creating bonds that go way beyond just surface-level conversation.
Having explored the power of storytelling and listening, I want to invite you to reflect on your own narratives. So, what do your stories reveal about you? Who are you in your story? Yes, you are [insert your name here], but who are you really? What emotions are you sharing through your words? Are you scared, excited, or maybe feeling righteous or risky? Are you reflecting on a struggle or celebrating something that lights you up? What are you telling me beyond just the surface? Taking a moment to consider this can deepen your connection with others and help you appreciate the unique journeys that shape each of us.
Now, here’s a little challenge for you on the listening end. It might sound quirky, but it can add another layer of depth to your conversations. As a listener, pay close attention to what you are hearing. Try to uncover the storyteller's values, beliefs, and emotions as they share their narrative.
Think about the underlying themes in their stories. What passions shine through? What challenges are they navigating? What hopes and dreams do they express? Are there moments that reveal their fears or insecurities? What lessons have they learned along the way? This approach not only enhances your understanding of the person but also fosters a more meaningful connection.
Give it a try the next time someone shares their story with you and see how it transforms your interaction. You might be surprised by how much more you can learn about others and, in turn, about yourself. And, if you ever want to connect with someone on a deeper level, simply say, 'Tell me a story' or 'Tell me more".
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